STOP us if you’ve heard this one before – a truck has hit the Bayswater Bridge.
We know it’s an oft-told tale, but in this world gone mad maybe we should be thankful for a good old truck-hitting-the-Baysie-Bridge story.
It’s news you can cling to, the Linus’ blanket of online media.
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READ NOWMove over Bayswater, truckies have a new bridge to hit
It had been 15 days since the last strike, on May 29.
It had been 13 days since the bridge fought back.
You may be pleased to know that, despite the flippant headline of this article, this time I had no existential crisis on hearing the news.
Instead, I took my responsibilities as a gatherer and reporter of news seriously, as befitting the privilege bestowed upon me (by my new corporate overlords).
“I must present the facts of this bridge strike, without fear or favour,” I thought.
“I must avoid using the word ‘I’.”
As news filtered into the office of yet another sledgehammer blow to the famed-but-surely-crumbling bridge, we scrambled into action. The bridge had been struck. The people must know.
“Let’s just update the time stamp on the last one,” someone cried.
“Time stamp? What is this, Doctor Who?” said another.
In fact, merely updating the time stamp would not suffice. Not this time, Jack.
We needed to find new pictures, maybe a new tweet. A Facebook post? Hallelujah.
One day, the bridge will be able to take no more.
One day the bridge will realise the futility of its struggle and cease to bear loads.
One day, in fact, the bridge will be replaced by another bridge with an extra metre of clearance.
One day, the online journalist will have no Bayswater Bridge stories to report on.
He or she will scour the interwebs forlorn, pining for the days when the Bayswater Bridge could garner a few likes or retweets.
The Bayswater Bridge. It’s there, for the moment. It stands. And truckies will hit it.