MELANIE Cannon is a diehard Fremantle Dockers fan looking to share her life with someone.
She knows exactly what she is looking for in a partner and she has created a list of hilarious non-negotiable points he must have for their relationship to succeed.
Included on the list is a shared love of the Dockers, the ability to spend “ridiculous amounts of money” to get to a Fremantle grand final and to be willing to lose their job if time off is not given for said grand final match.
Ms Cannon said she describes herself as an “industrial sized” Dockers fan.
“If I see the players out and about I do the guy thing and pretend that I hardly notice them but underneath is a seething mass of lame ‘can I take a selfie’ desire,” she said.
“This list was put together in one ad break and when I looked back at it I thought, ‘This is ridiculous… who will want to date this?’
When asked how closely a potential partner had to follow these rules, Ms Cannon said it depended.
“It would depend entirely on how good looking they are,” she laughed.
“Exemptions can also be considered for such as for a man who delivers take away coffee and breakfast in bed … these are noble traits.”
But don’t even consider applying if you’re not a Fremantle fan.
“What is this species you speak of?” she said. “Possibly in summer as my rehab ‘move off the couch and adjust to daylight and re-learn human communication techniques’ plan, but it’s highly unlikely.
“It would be like being in a DIDO relationship (Drive in Drive out) as I would be off to the game every second week.
“If it was considered then there would definitely have to be prenuptials signed saying that no Eagles games will be attended and always say ‘babe you look super hot in purple, not sure why the other teams suggest it’s hideous … makes your eyes pop’.”