What exactly is hip these days?
Camera IconWhat exactly is hip these days? Credit: Supplied/Getty Images/Westend61

Why the cool crowd leaves me cold

Sara FitzpatrickWestern Suburbs Weekly

MAN it’s good not being on-trend.

I can don my skinny jeans, thin eyebrows and single toned side-part without a care.

Sip instant coffee in peace, forget to tweet and casually shutdown my Netflix account. (OK, I haven’t done this yet, despite Mindhunter season three getting axed).

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Better still, I can shun the ‘no make-up’ makeup fad with lashings of mascara and whatever blush I fancy.

Back in my 20s, a self-proclaimed fashionista asked me: “Why are you wearing lipstick? Everyone wears lip gloss now…”

After lifting my pout off the floor, I smeared it with a second coating of Mac Ruby Woo and strutted into Geisha.

If you didn’t Instagram your breakfast, did you even have brunch? Getty Images
Camera IconIf you didn’t Instagram your breakfast, did you even have brunch? Getty Images Credit: Supplied/Getty Images

On the drive home from hospital on the weekend – my husband at the wheel in lopsided wayfarers and my two little girls in the back (one with sore shaved tonsils) – we passed a group of trendsetters brunching.

Watching them spill out of a café and on to the street in caps and oversized tees, I felt relieved.

Relieved to be a simple mum heading home on a Saturday morning, away from street-art murals and overpriced artisan ciabatta toast.

I looked in the mirror at my four-day unwashed hair, on-trend highlighter nowhere in sight – and smiled.

What exactly is hip these days? I’m not sure but I think it involves bakeries, athleisure, red wine, Stranger Things, braids and Anwar Hadid.

Is coffee still cool? And what sneakers are on-point? According to my husband, the Adidas Superstars in my wardrobe are out. “That’s what ‘normies’ wear,” he said.

Urban Dictionary definition of a normie: A person gravitating to social standards, accepted practices, and fads of their own time and geographic grouping without broader cultural perspectives from which they draw.

Are tattoos the epitome of edgy? Getty Images
Camera IconAre tattoos the epitome of edgy? Getty Images Credit: Supplied/Getty Images

And what about tattoos? Are big ones out and small ones in, like Selina Gomez’s new neck ink spelling the title of her album, Rare.

The tat is “everything” according to an online mag I can’t remember the name of. Are face tats the epitome of edgy?

Speaking of edgy, I saw a pretty out-there fashion statement in New York a few years ago.

A 20-something ‘it-girl’ was walking through Soho with friends. She wore stonewashed denim jeans and worn-out sneakers.  That’s not surprising, right? But that is all she had on.

It was early arvo on a weekday and I don’t think she was drunk.  Her perky breasts shouted: “Look at me!” Best T-shirt everrrrr?

I haven’t seen this look on William Street – yet.

Make your own fashion statement. Getty Images
Camera IconMake your own fashion statement. Getty Images Credit: Supplied/Getty Images/EyeEm Premium

Now onto TV. How is Friends deemed cool? Sure, the ‘90s are back but we can do better, people. Give me FBI Special Agent Fox Mulder over Chandler any day. Hell, I’d even take Ray Romano.

Veganism: in or out? Dave Hughes recently announced he was vegan. Does that add to the allure?  Probs not. Hughesy, we may have a problem.

Billie Eilish leads the female mullet trend, with a bonus splattering of green on top. Apparently, the mullet was unintentional; the result of hair falling out after a bad dye job.

Yes, I’m far from the cool crowd and that’s ok with me.

I don’t need Rihanna’s nails, Hailey Bieber’s gold hoops or Pitchfork’s advice on ‘best new music’ (although I did stream Floating Points,’ Crush on its recommendation so thanks for that).

My advice? Do one of these three things – the nails, the earrings OR the music. All three makes you soulless.

Now, please excuse me: My Kmart kettle has boiled – I heard it whistling over the Disney Hits soundtrack – and a hot cup of Moccona number 3 awaits.

Send your parenting tips to sara.fitzpatrick@communitynews.com.au.

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